


Two's Company

by kronette



Series: In Bed [2]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Alternate Universe, Back to Earth, M/M, Season/Series 10, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-31
Updated: 2012-10-31
Packaged: 2017-11-17 11:52:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/551254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set the morning after "Old Habits." </p><p>Rimmer barely glanced up as Cat entered their quarters the next afternoon with his usual pomp and circumstance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two's Company

Rimmer barely glanced up as Cat entered their quarters the next afternoon with his usual pomp and circumstance. He always paused at the mirror Lister had placed near the door and preened for a few minutes, blithely ignoring everyone else in the room. Rimmer had long ago learned to ignore Cat's antics until he was directly spoken to, and even then he might still get away with ignoring the feline.

It wasn't until a yowl of approval signaled the end of Cat's inspection that Rimmer looked up and caught the moggy giving him the once-over.

"You look different today, Goalpost-head," Cat stated brusquely. "Kryten not put as much starch in your underwear?"

"Ha-ha," he replied with disdain, returning to his book. He'd given up on _Astro-Navigation for Dummies_ , concentrating instead on the life of Alexander the Great, feeling it more important. In truth, he hadn't read a word; he was watching Lister over the top of the book.

Lister had one leg on the table, balancing _Fantastic Mr. Fox_ on his stomach and mouthing along as he read. Rimmer was actually proud of him for reading, but hadn’t worked up the courage to tell him yet. It wasn't that Lister was dumb; he just didn't apply himself. Reading was something that Lister never had any interest in, at least not before they'd started having sex. Rimmer often read while he waited for Lister to come to bed, and Lister took delight in plucking the book from his hands, tossing it to the floor, then doing his damnedest to make Rimmer forget everything he'd just read.

He shifted slightly in the chair and inhaled sharply as he twinged a muscle group that had been overworked the previous night. Rimmer was in decent enough shape, but regular sex was a workout all its own. No wonder Lister used to spend so much time in the AR unit. A lecherous grin curled his lips – not anymore, though; he had Lister's sexual prowess all to himself.

Lost in his dirty thoughts, he almost missed Cat sniffing the air. Curiously, he watched Cat circle the room, then he stared in open-mouthed astonishment as Cat sidled up to Lister and sniffed his neck.

"Heeey, bud," he purred, leaning far too close to Lister for Rimmer's liking. "I didn't know you monkeys went into heat! I can rearrange my schedule to give you the full Cat treatment if you're hurting." Cat waggled his eyebrows and beamed. "How's 1:30 sound?"

The book slid from Lister's grasp as he backed away from Cat, sending a panicked look toward Rimmer. "I'm not in heat, Cat," he spluttered.

Rimmer was torn between amusement and disgust as Cat sniffed his lover again. "The nose don't lie, bud. You're putting off signals that a blind, deaf and dumb man without a sense of smell could pick up."

This time, Cat practically licked Lister's neck and it ignited something primitive inside Rimmer. He stood up to his full height and stalked over to the feline.

Cat registered his presence with barely a look, then did a double-take full of confusion. Rimmer wrinkled his nose as Cat gave him a prolonged sniff and a disgusted look. "You're in heat, too?" Cat backed away from him with his hands in the air. "No _way_. I draw the line at helping _you_ out, Goalpost-head! The offer's only good for Lister."

Rimmer's face and neck grew warm, but he forced out through clenched teeth, "We don't need your help, you goited furball. Lister and I are already having sex. A _lot_ of sex. In fact, we've been having sex nearly every night for the past few months." He crossed his arms and glared at the moggy, daring him to make a crude remark.

Cat's brow furrowed as he looked between the two humans. "What do you mean, you're having sex? Why aren't I informed of these things?"

Lister made a strangled sound and paused in his attempt to stand up, looking as though he'd choked on something. "What, about our sex life? It's none of your business, Cat." He waved his hands vigorously. "Period. End of story."

Cat shot him a disdainful look. "Of course it's my business," he replied angrily. "It affects me, too!"

Rimmer didn't quite know how to respond, as he'd only ever had to defend his _lack_ of sex life before. He went with annoyed anger; it was a comfortable default position. "How in the smegging hell does us having sex affect you in the slightest bit?"

Cat placed his hands on his hips and declared, "Since I'm the most handsome being on this crate, you two should be having sex with me! It's a crime against nature to let all this beauty go untapped!"

Lister's pained expression mirrored how Rimmer felt – a sickening lurch in his stomach followed by swallowing repeatedly to make sure he didn't follow through on the urge to throw up.

Lister, paler than Rimmer thought possible, attempted to explain. "Uh, Cat, it's not that we don't find you…" he shot a wild-eyed look to Rimmer, who shrugged helplessly, "Attractive…but, see, I love Rimmer and he loves me."

Cat glared at both of them. "So? What's that got to do with sex?"

Rimmer covered his eyes with his hand and groaned softly. The only good thing about the entire conversation was that he was too horrified to be embarrassed. "Everything," he said quietly. "It means I only want to have sex with Lister, and he only wants to have sex with me."

" _What_?" Cat screeched and Rimmer winced. He peeked between his fingers to see the clearly distressed moggy badgering Lister. "You'd rather have sex with caves-for-nostrils than this perfection?" Cat asked in disbelief, indicating himself with a flourish.

Lister's gaze shifted from Cat to Rimmer, and Rimmer felt that smoldering look down to his toes. "Actually, Cat, I prefer making love to him," Lister confirmed softly.

Rimmer's heart thudded loudly and a ringing began in his ears. They hadn't put a label on their sex life for all the months they'd been together, and here Lister was, declaring it to Cat. Anticipation raced down Rimmer's spine as the now-familiar pull of Lister's arousal thickened the air. He felt his own body temperature rise as blood began the trip southward. He silently screamed at Cat to get the smeg out of their quarters, because he had urgent things he needed to do to Lister, right that very second, and they did _not_ involve an audience.

"'Make love'?" Cat said, making _love_ sound like the leftover gunk scraped out of the waste disposal unit. "Buddy, when sex becomes about love is when cats take _off_ ," he added with a quick wave of his hand.

Rimmer's death-glare was having no effect on the Cat, who jerked a thumb toward him and asked Lister hopefully, "You going to dump him soon?" as if Rimmer couldn't hear him.

Lister's gaze intensified, something Rimmer didn't think possible. The sexual tension between them was so thick, Rimmer half-expected their clothes to spontaneously combust and their naked bodies to spontaneously orgasm. Then, Lister answered the question and Rimmer felt his heart go into palpitations.

"Never going to happen. In fact, I think I'm going to make love to him right this very minute, in every way I know how, for as long as I'm able." Lister's voice dropped to a low, smoky tone that reminded Rimmer of all-afternoon sex. "As long as you'll have me, that is."

Rimmer's mouth ran dry at the bold pronouncement. It sounded almost like…was very reminiscent of…a vow. His tongue darted out to lick his lips, Lister's eyes tracking the movement like a lion stalking its prey. His jaw worked a few times before he was able to form a word, and that one word defined his entire world. "Listy."

Rimmer distantly heard Cat's appalled tirade, "All this talk about love is making me sick. Why ruin perfectly good sex with love," as he took a step forward, his hand automatically moving to undo the fasteners at his shoulder. Right then, he didn't care if Cat, Kryten and the entire Io House graduation class of 2191 were staring; Rimmer was going to strip Lister naked and make him scream.

Lister's jacket was already on the floor, and his shirt joined it as he met Rimmer halfway.  They immediately lost themselves in each other.

An indeterminate amount of time later, Rimmer was a boneless heap beneath Lister, gulping in air and unable to recall his own name. His muscles were water; his bones turned to jelly. Sweat stung his eyes and he could feel the sheets sticking to his stomach where he'd come twice.

He had never experienced anything so intimate or so intense. He could still feel Lister inside him and a shiver caused gooseflesh to rise on his skin. Even soft, Lister was a big boy and Rimmer would pay dearly for their enthusiasm later. He breathed out a soft moan into the sheets. Being a nearly indestructible hard light hologram meant that Lister could be as rough with him as he dared, and they'd both been wild after Lister's declaration. Rimmer could feel bruises forming beneath his skin and a rush of possessiveness caused the breath to catch in his chest.

The weight on his back lessened and he cried plaintively, "No!" as he felt Lister's hips pull away from him. Reaching back blindly, he located Lister's thigh and squeezed tightly to keep them connected.

Apologetic kisses were feathered across his shoulders and despite his grip, he felt Lister slipping out of him. "I know," Lister murmured against his skin, his voice edged with pain. "I know."

It took all of Rimmer's willpower not to make a sound as they became two separate people again. He felt every inch naked, vulnerable and exposed. He didn't move until Lister's hand gently rolled him to his side so they were facing each other, then his arms wrapped tightly around his lover, his eyes burning with the sting of sweat and tears. "I love you, David Lister," he declared shakily, the force of his emotions too strong for mere words.

Soothing touches stroked along his back but did nothing to stop his trembling. He hadn't expected to be _shattered_ by Lister making love to him, but he felt remade to Lister's exact specifications. His eyes closed as the words washed over him: "I love you, Arnold Judas Rimmer."

His body unlocked from the post-sex rigor mortis he'd been in, and he began to relax in Lister's arms. He teased his fingertips down Lister's back to the swell of his arse, then rested his palm over one exquisite curve. "Never leaving this bed," he murmured, pressing a kiss to Lister's shoulder. "Never leaving your arms. Never leaving you." He shifted to rest his head on the pillow, making himself comfortable facing Lister.

Lister's eyes shone brightly, warm and satiated with a hint of danger promising more of the same when he was recovered. "You're a big-old romantic sap, aren't you?" he teased quietly.

Rimmer's blood was still racing through his system, leaving none to heat his cheeks in a blush. "I never had anyone to be romantic with until you. If you don't mind, that is."

Lister leaned forward and brushed his lips in a kiss. "I'll never say no to a bit of romance, Rimmer, especially if it's from you."

Rimmer's eyebrow quirked upwards. " _Especially_ if it's from me? Are you expecting Cat to make another attempt to have sex with you? If so, I'll have to defend your honor." He gave Lister's arse a squeeze and murmured in a husky voice, "You're mine."

He jerked as he felt Lister's hand cup his arse and give a retaliation squeeze. "Feeling's mutual."

Rimmer felt heat on his cheeks and nodded once. "As long as that's clear."

Lister nodded, a smile slowly curving his mouth. "Clear as ice. So we'll be keeping the bunks, then?"

Rimmer glanced to the overly-warm cocoon they were in, sex and sweat a heady odor in the air. "When we wear out mine, we'll give yours a good thrashing until it screams for mercy." He sent Lister a sly grin and joined him in laughter.

Their laughter died down as a feral look came into Lister's eyes. Rimmer knew that look and only hoped he was recovered enough to do it justice. He met Lister in a kiss that quickly grew in intensity.

"It's only first gear, but me engine's ready to go," Lister murmured against his lips.

"I can't take you again," he admitted with regret. "And I came twice already. I don't know that I can get it – oh," he groaned, feeling Lister's sure hand wrapping around his growing erection. Lister's mouth had a direct line to his penis; it was the only explanation he had. His hips pumped helplessly as Lister worked him, knowing every twist and touch to get him off efficiently.

Breathing heavily, his hand stroked up Lister's thigh, surprised when his thumb caught in sticky residue. He raised his eyebrows at Lister, who looked a bit sheepish. "Love watching you come apart under my touch."  

Rimmer couldn't, he _could not_ , get it up again, but smeg, he _wanted_ to. "When we're fully recovered, I will make you beg me to let you come." He saw Lister mouth, "Smeg," and knew he'd affected Lister the way that Lister affected him.

Without another word, Lister tucked his head beneath Rimmer's chin and they fell asleep despite it being late in the afternoon.


End file.
